Hey there, mama! You’re officially at week 34—just a few short weeks away from meeting your precious twins!
You’ve probably got a lot on your mind, and one of those things might be how your relationship with your partner (or co-parent) is going to change when the babies arrive.
Caring for two babies is tough and will take the two of you to pull together to ensure that everyone’s needs are met – babies, mom’s and dads. Dad can often feel completely superfluous, especially if you are breastfeeding, so to avoid hurt feelings, a conversation about roles before your cherubs arrive will go a long way. Best to do it before the babies arrive while you are not seriously tired and emotional.
If you’re single, you’re likely thinking about how to navigate this big transition solo, but don’t worry—I know you’ve got this.
Whether you’re preparing as a couple or on your own, this post is all about setting expectations for your relationships in the early days with newborn twins.
How are you feeling mama?
Twin Pregnancy Symptoms at 34 Weeks
At 34 weeks, your body is working hard, and you might be feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. The weight of carrying two babies is no small feat, and sleep might feel like a distant memory. Fatigue, swelling, and back pain are all common around this time, and you’re probably more than ready to meet your babies! You might also be thinking about your relationship and how the dynamic will shift when your twins arrive.
The third trimester brings a rollercoaster of emotions, so it’s important to do a quick mindset and mood check every so often. This is a huge adjustment mama, and it’s normal to feel a mix of excitement, nervousness, and even a bit of anxiety. After all, you’re not just preparing for one newborn but two.
And whether you have a partner or are navigating this journey solo, it’s important to take some time to think about how life is going to change—not just with your babies, but also in your relationships.
What are your twins up to this week?
Your Twins at 34 Weeks – Height & Weight
At 34 weeks, your twins are each about the size of a cantaloupe, measuring around 17.7 inches (45 cm) long and weighing around 4.7 pounds (2.1 kg). Of course, since they’re twins, there could be a bit of a weight difference between them, especially if they’re fraternal.
As the countdown begins, your babies are putting on the final layers of fat and growing fast. They’re starting to look more like the chubby-cheeked newborns you’ll soon cuddle.
Your Twins’ Fetal Development at 34 Weeks
By now, your twins’ lungs are continuing to mature, and they’re practicing those breathing movements that will be so important when they enter the world. Their bones are hardening, though their skulls remain soft and flexible for delivery. Their tiny fingernails have likely reached the tips of their fingers, and they’re even developing some fine hair on their heads.
At this stage, your babies are settling into position for birth—hopefully, head-down! But as you know, twins sometimes have their own plans. Whether they’re head-down, breech, or one of each, the key is that they’re almost ready to meet you!
What you might be wondering about this week
Your Relationship and Newborn Twins
This week’s theme is all about your relationship and newborn twins. Whether you’re parenting as a couple or doing this solo, the early days are going to be intense, and your relationships will go through some changes.
Let’s talk about what you can expect and how to navigate those first few weeks with compassion, patience, and a bit of teamwork (even if that “team” is you and your support network).
Preparing Your Relationship for the Transition to Parenthood
Bringing home two newborns is a monumental shift in your relationship. Whether you’re a first-time parent or already have children, adding twins to the family dynamic requires preparation.
Start by having candid conversations with your partner about how life will change. It’s helpful to discuss not just the physical logistics of caring for twins but also how each of you is feeling emotionally.
Are you excited, nervous, or overwhelmed? Sharing these feelings can bring you closer and ensure you’re on the same page before the twins arrive.
It’s also wise to talk through specific concerns, such as the division of labor, financial pressures, or fears of losing intimacy. These are all valid fears that you are probably both experiencing, so talking about them now will help bring these topics out into the open and help you to both feel heard and understood.
For single parents, preparing might look like identifying your core support team and talking to them about their roles.
Preparing emotionally and practically can reduce surprises and help set the foundation for a strong, supportive family environment once your twins are home.
Defining Roles in the Early Days: Who Does What?
The early days with twins can be a whirlwind, making it essential to define roles and responsibilities beforehand.
Sit down with your partner to create a flexible plan for managing everything from feedings and diaper changes to household chores. Having a loose but clear agreement can help prevent frustration and miscommunication once the babies arrive
Caring for twins is physically and emotionally exhausting, especially in the first few weeks. Both partners will likely experience significant fatigue, and it’s essential to approach this challenge as a team.
For example, one of you might handle nighttime feedings while the other takes care of cooking or cleaning. Rotating responsibilities or working in shifts can ensure both parents get some rest and time for self-care.
Keep in mind, this plan may need adjusting as you settle into life with your newborns.
Emotional exhaustion can sometimes lead to miscommunication or frustration, so it’s important to be kind and patient with each other.
Acknowledging that you’re both in the trenches of sleep deprivation can help avoid resentment.
If you’re a single parent, this can mean leaning on a trusted friend or family member who can help with specific tasks, like holding the babies while you nap or grocery shopping. Being clear on “who does what” keeps everyone on the same team.
Maintaining Intimacy After the Twins Arrive
The arrival of twins can throw intimacy and romance on the back burner, but staying connected as a couple is vital for long-term relationship health.
While physical intimacy might not be at the forefront, emotional closeness can still thrive. Small, meaningful gestures, such as leaving love notes, giving a quick hug during a busy day, or sharing a meal together (even if it’s takeout during nap time), can keep your connection alive.
Make a habit of checking in with each other daily, even if it’s just a quick “How are you feeling today?” Small moments of connection—like watching a movie together after the babies are asleep or taking a walk around the block with the stroller—can help keep your bond strong. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day demands of twin parenting, but nurturing your relationship is essential.
Remember, intimacy is about more than just physical affection—it’s also about feeling emotionally supported.
Make time to check in with each other daily, even if it’s just a few minutes to talk about how you’re feeling or reflect on the highs and lows of the day.
Setting Realistic Expectations for the First Few Months
It’s crucial to set realistic expectations for what life will look like in the first few months with twins.
The early days might not be picture-perfect, and that’s okay. Your house will likely be messier than usual, laundry will pile up, and some days you might feel like all you did was feed, change, and soothe your babies. That’s completely normal.
Remind yourself and your partner that it’s okay if not everything gets done. This phase is about survival and bonding with your newborns, not about keeping up with household perfection.
Accept that you’ll need to lower your expectations—there will be sleepless nights, moments of frustration, and plenty of unplanned chaos.
Single parents may need to take this even further, allowing for flexibility in routines and leaning on external support to make it through. Focus on the small wins, like getting both babies fed and napping at the same time or that you managed to get out of your PJ’s and have a shower that day!
How to Communicate Needs and Avoid Resentment
Effective communication is key to avoiding resentment, especially when you’re both feeling tired and overwhelmed. With twins, there’s no shortage of tasks, and it’s easy for partners to fall into patterns of feeling unappreciated or unsupported.
The solution? Communicate early and often.
Don’t assume your partner knows what you need—speak up when you’re feeling overwhelmed or when you need help.
Instead of waiting for frustration to build, try to address it before it becomes a bigger issue.
Be specific with requests: “I really need a nap; could you take the next feeding?” or “Can you handle dinner tonight?”
For single parents, this could mean communicating with your support system. Whether it’s arranging specific times for help or simply letting someone know you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to ask for what you need. Clear communication can prevent feelings of isolation and make the early days more manageable.
Dividing Nighttime Responsibilities
Nighttime with newborn twins can be especially challenging, and sharing the load can make a world of difference. Decide together how you’ll handle middle-of-the-night feedings and diaper changes.
Some couples prefer to take turns—one partner handles one night while the other sleeps, and they switch the following night. Others prefer to work in shifts, where one person covers the earlier part of the night, and the other takes the early morning.
The goal is to ensure both partners are getting some sleep, even if it’s broken into smaller chunks.
If you’re breastfeeding, your partner can help with diaper changes or soothing the babies back to sleep while you feed.
For single parents, this might be one of the hardest aspects, but consider if there’s a friend, family member, or hired help who could come over for a few hours at night to give you a break and help you recharge.
As a single mama myself, when I could feel myself getting overly tired or if my girls were sick and needed lots of cuddles, I would just camp out on the couch with my girls, and we would all spend the days and nights there just feeding and sleeping for a couple of days until things got back on track again. Sometimes it is the pressure of having to get other things done that creates the stress.
Managing Conflicts and Stress During the Early Weeks
Bringing home twins brings joy, but it also brings stress—especially when everyone is sleep-deprived and adjusting to a new routine. Managing stress and conflict in your relationship is essential for keeping the peace.
When arguments arise (and they likely will), try to remind yourselves that you’re both doing your best.
It can be helpful to establish a “pause” rule, where if a disagreement escalates, you both take a few minutes to step away, cool off, and then return to the discussion with calmer heads.
During this high-stress time, focus on being solution-oriented rather than pointing fingers. Ask yourselves, “What can we do to make this easier?” rather than “Who is at fault?”
If you’re a single parent, managing stress might look like having go-to strategies for calming yourself, such as deep breathing exercises, short walks, or calling a friend for support when things feel overwhelming.
Supporting Single Parents of Twins: What to Expect and How to Get Help
If you’re preparing to raise twins as a single parent, know that while it’s going to be tough, you’re more than capable.
The key to thriving is having a strong support system in place before the babies arrive. Identify your go-to people, whether they’re family, friends, or neighbors, and talk to them about specific ways they can help—whether it’s bringing meals, taking the babies for an hour so you can rest, or running errands.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help—it takes a village to raise one baby, let alone two!
Also, look into local or online twin-parenting groups where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through. These groups can provide emotional support, tips, and even practical help like swapping baby gear.
Remember, taking care of yourself is crucial—you can’t pour from an empty cup, so prioritize rest and self-care whenever possible.
Before you go…
While the early days with newborn twins will be challenging, they’ll also be filled with love and connection, both with your babies and the people supporting you.
Take things one step at a time, communicate openly, and remember to give yourself plenty of grace. You’ve got this!
Take care and much love.
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